I have been wavering on whether or not to post about this. If I don't acknowledge the meme then I'm being passive aggressive. If I do acknowledge it then I'm being wanky. Which is better/worse?

I admit to getting my feelings hurt by some of the things said. The Big Bang hate especially upset me, which is bizarre since most of that has been said to my face at one time or another. It's not like these are new revelations or anything.

The personal stuff hit close to home, I suppose because I can see the truth in it. I am two-faced sometimes. I would wager most people are. But all I can do is put a stake in the ground and vow to be better about it moving forward. It's impossible to change unless you can acknowledge the behavior to begin with, you know? So, I'm trying.

I also was crushed about some of the comments left about other people. People I love have hurt feelings and that sucks too.

But I also was really grossed out by comments left about people I'm not close to. Someone left a mean comment about me and then elsewhere a nearly identical comment was left about someone else that I don't get along with. And, I just...it didn't apply to either of us. I felt solidarity, I guess. I just don't want to BE someone who keeps up the bad blood and makes other people feel awful. I just want to put it aside and make peace and move on.

I know I went through a tough personal time a few years ago. That's not an excuse, it's just something that happened. And I'm not proud of every single thing I did or said during that time. And I was thinking about some of the people in fandom that I don't mesh with and, you know, they were going through hard times too. Everyone deserves a break.

So the real take-away from this, for me, is letting go of some of the bad things that happened. And to keep figuring out how to make myself into the person I want to be. I struggle with that concept every day.

Not everyone is going to like each other and be best buddies and I get that. It's ok. But, if I've offended you or been bitchy or hurt your feelings? I'm sorry. I can't say it never will happen again, I'm human and I have emotions. And yet another thing I need to work on is expressing my emotions more often, I have to find that balance of saying what I think without being aggressive or attacking. It's hard, yo.

I can't change anything that's happened in the past, but I can learn from it and make a better future.

And that's what I have to say about that.

I am about to have a CAPSLOCK THROWDOWN. Y'all settle this debate please!

Poll #1428147
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Define angst. (In terms of fic...what makes a fic angsty?)

Can an angsty story ever have a happy ending?

Angst and hurt/comfort are not the same. But can a fic be both angst AND h/c?

Current Mood: stubborn

It's one of those days where I'm just having to constantly bite my tongue to keep from saying what I really think. Urgh. Probably a good thing that I'm about to get out of the house for a bit.

I'm going into Denton to order my graduation robe, etc. EXCITING. Then I'm going to the AT&T store to figure out what I need to do to get an iphone in August. Do I still have to get on a waiting list? I do not know how this process works!

Yesterday I saw one of my oldest buddies and got to play with her two adorable children. We went grocery shopping and her almost four-year-old said "Aunt Wendy! Look at this!" a minimum of 752 times during the trip. LOVE. Also, we had macaroni and cheese and applesauce for lunch, which is maybe the best toddler/comfort food meal ever.

Monday I spent a few hours with Addison and that was fun too. She'd sprawl across my lap and demand that I tickle parts of her body. ("Tickle my elbow. Now my hands. And my leg!") So freakin cute. I also put her up on my shoulders and spun us around and around in circles. She LOVED it. Her vocabulary is amazing. It's so fun to talk to her, she can carry on whole conversations now.

I heard thunder this morning, but it never did rain. Still overcast though. Maybe we'll get a break from the heat finally?

One week to the new HP movie aaaaannnnddd NKOTB in concert. YES.

Current Mood: awake

What's the one fic you wished existed, but doesn't?

Current Mood: busy

Got a letter this afternoon saying that I passed Capstone, which is the week-long exit exam I took in early June. This is a huge relief as it means I actually will graduate August 14.

I so appreciate everyone who suffered through my meltdowns and was kind and supportive despite my whining. You guys make a difference in my life and I appreciate you -- today and every day. Thank you.



"When life hands you a lemon, say "Oh yeah, I like lemons. What else you got?" --Henry Rollins

( Playlist )

(DOWNLOAD HERE)

Current Mood: thankful

Behind the cut is a scanned copy of an article that ran in the July 6, 2009 issue of People. It's about two guys, paired up at the ages of 65 and 7 by Big Brothers. They went on to become lifelong friends. The older was the best man at the younger's wedding. David gave his baby Chester's middle name. Now these men are 95 and 37 and still consider each other good friends.

The whole thing just makes me tear up. It's beautiful and touching and such an amazing example of how giving in small ways can have huge impacts. GMH.

( Brothers By Choice: A 58-year age difference didn't keep David Loughran and Chester Ross from becoming the best of friends )

Current Mood: okay

1. Yesterday I saw this icon on a random icon post and all of a sudden? I became OBSESSED with it. Look at the little mole on Sam's chin! And the way his mouth is open! His lips! And Dean's fingers, just wrapped on the spoon!

2. I have in front of me right now a plate with my mom's homemade potato salad (this is the best batch she's ever made), veggie baked beans and two homemade deviled eggs. NOM. 11 a.m. is totally not too early to be eating leftovers, right?!?!

3. Yesterday I asked my Dad to put my new car registration sticker on for me. He came in after and confessed he'd accidentally scraped off the inspection sticker instead. He was very shamefaced and it was a total accident, but now I have to go and get my car inspected ASAP. Only a month early. But but but, I don't WANT to.

4. Have a super busy week coming up. I just made a separate To Do list for each individual day so that nothing gets overlooked.

5. I have been craving salty food like mad lately. Very unusual for me. Weird.

6. Does SPN filming start back this week or next? July 1, got it!

OK, Big Bang time. Later gators!

Current Mood: busy

What's up people?

Current Mood: productive

Yesterday I posted July's writing prompt for notjustroomates: How DO Jared and Jensen celebrate Jared's birthday?

I really need to get out of the house today. But I have zero money and it's burning hot outside and I can't figure out anything fun to dooooooo.

Trying hard to be productive. Alas. My motivation is failing.

Emails from my friends make me HAPPY.

Read a delightful Big Bang this morning and it's started my whole day off happy.

It's Thursday! What should we do to celebrate?

Current Mood: good

I loooooove choosing which Big Bang to read next. It's a delightful dilemma! *claps hands with glee*

Current Mood: optimistic