I can read Sam's mind (wendy) wrote,
I can read Sam's mind

I have been wavering on whether or not to post about this. If I don't acknowledge the meme then I'm being passive aggressive. If I do acknowledge it then I'm being wanky. Which is better/worse?

I admit to getting my feelings hurt by some of the things said. The Big Bang hate especially upset me, which is bizarre since most of that has been said to my face at one time or another. It's not like these are new revelations or anything.

The personal stuff hit close to home, I suppose because I can see the truth in it. I am two-faced sometimes. I would wager most people are. But all I can do is put a stake in the ground and vow to be better about it moving forward. It's impossible to change unless you can acknowledge the behavior to begin with, you know? So, I'm trying.

I also was crushed about some of the comments left about other people. People I love have hurt feelings and that sucks too.

But I also was really grossed out by comments left about people I'm not close to. Someone left a mean comment about me and then elsewhere a nearly identical comment was left about someone else that I don't get along with. And, I just...it didn't apply to either of us. I felt solidarity, I guess. I just don't want to BE someone who keeps up the bad blood and makes other people feel awful. I just want to put it aside and make peace and move on.

I know I went through a tough personal time a few years ago. That's not an excuse, it's just something that happened. And I'm not proud of every single thing I did or said during that time. And I was thinking about some of the people in fandom that I don't mesh with and, you know, they were going through hard times too. Everyone deserves a break.

So the real take-away from this, for me, is letting go of some of the bad things that happened. And to keep figuring out how to make myself into the person I want to be. I struggle with that concept every day.

Not everyone is going to like each other and be best buddies and I get that. It's ok. But, if I've offended you or been bitchy or hurt your feelings? I'm sorry. I can't say it never will happen again, I'm human and I have emotions. And yet another thing I need to work on is expressing my emotions more often, I have to find that balance of saying what I think without being aggressive or attacking. It's hard, yo.

I can't change anything that's happened in the past, but I can learn from it and make a better future.

And that's what I have to say about that.
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