I can read Sam's mind (wendy) wrote,
I can read Sam's mind
wendy

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So, I've been having some anxiety about this move and worrying a great deal about it, for various reasons. To be honest, I thought I was hiding it pretty well until I emailed a friend yesterday and she responded with "yes, you've already told me" and then I went....DANG IT, and vowed to hide my negativity better.

And then, today I was waiting for someone and reading a book I had just picked up at the library, and ran across this passage:
"But, as a friend of mine put it, when I pointed to the one scrawny snowdrop that had made it through the winter in my garden and told him how much I missed the carpet of white flowers that used to appear every spring at the front door of my old house -- "So, now you've got only one snowdrop. Concentrate on that one. Look at it like you've never seen a snowdrop before. See what happens."
--Slow Love by Dominique Browning
And just...YES. That really hit me inside, you know? I'm giving up all the worries and guilt and uncertainty and I'm just going to focus on the good and awesome things about this move. All the rest will work itself out. And, I can't change it anyway so why spend energy on it?

Sounds pretty obvious all written out but it was a revolutionary idea to me, in that moment.

Saw "The Kids Are All Right" and it was...alright. Beautifully acted but soooo slow.

There's a scene where a lesbian couple is watching gay male porn and my mom kept asking me why gay women wanted to watch gay men. I finally was like "I DON'T KNOW. The next time I'm with lesbians watching gay porn, I'll ask them!" And then I laughed a lot to myself because, you know, I've actually DONE that before, and know it'll happen again. Oh life. Why are you so....YOU-like?

After the movie, mom brought it up again, and this hilarious conversation followed:

Mom: So, I was thinking about that gay porn-thing again...
Wendy: *facepalms*
Mom: I mean, men won't watch men, so I guess women are the only ones who would. Makes sense, I guess. I mean, what man would watch gay porn?
Mom's friend: ...gay men?
Mom: OH! Good idea! I never thought of that!

I mean, HONESTLY. This took place on the mall sidewalk. I am a shy and innocent flower! It was a traumatic experience!

The end.
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