April 26th, 2013

SPN: Anything for Your Brother

(no subject)

I am just desperate for a day off. My last full one was April 16 (the day Val died, so not terribly restful), and my next one will be April 29. *rubs eyes*

I was up all night with Max. He isn't feeling well or acting right. I'm so worried about him, especially in light of Val. I just don't know what to do. I hate that I have to leave him here all alone today.

But! Last night, I did take him for a very short walk! This is a big deal because the last time I walked Max, on a leash, outside, was...oh, about ten years ago. He and Val got into a fight with another dog who was running loose. I still have scars on my hand from it. Anyway, I vowed to never do it again, and I haven't. Max has mellowed a lot, and I think the exercise would really help us both. But, I was having a difficult time moving past my own mental block about it. So, I decided I was going to walk him to the end of my block and back, as a test. It literally is less that five minutes, round trip. I don't want to make it seem huge. But it was huge MENTALLY, for me. And Max did great, and nothing attacked us, and the next time I've had more than two hours of sleep, I will try again, and go a little further.

Today I'm going to TLA (Texas Library Association), which is meeting in my town this year. We were all allowed to go for one day only, and this is mine. It comes with so many strings and hoops that it almost isn't even worth going, but here we are. I know it'll be fun and interesting.

My other big mental block has been about posting on LJ. I don't know why! Just everything I write sounds sad and stupid, and I'm sort of bumming myself out, to be honest. But, here I am...making myself post. I know the next time will be better. Don't get me started on twitter though, I can't even open it without getting anxiety. WTF is wrong with me y'all?
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