October 22nd, 2013

SPN: Sam's Bright Smile

the whole world's scared, so I swallow the fear

I'm having some issues with an extremely immature co-worker. And, while I do think he's mostly wrong for the situation, I do accept my own part in it too. Most of it comes from him just being very, very young.

But more importantly, I have been thinking a lot about how I cannot get along with anyone anymore. I have three co-workers that could disappear from Earth and I'd be a-ok with it. This is something that never has happened to me before. I always can get along with almost anyone.

I also have noticed lately that I just think so many people are irritating. And, THEY ARE. But goodness, surely everyone in the world can't ACTUALLY be annoying, right?

I mean, I recognize that the common denominator in all these situations is ME. I'm impatient and defensive and short tempered. Part of it is that I've just reached a point where I cannot put up with negative energy anymore. But, on the other hand, I'm giving off more negative energy than anyone else.

How to fix this? I don't know. I am actively working to be more patient and calm, and to blow off work stuff as much as I can. But here I am, just had a situation occur this Sunday with the co=worker up there in the first paragraph. So, I'm not doing well with this either!

I know I'm stressed, I know I'm tired...but how much of that would be alleviated if I could figure out how to get along with people? I mean, it's either that or fully embrace being a hermit. I cannot continue being in a place where I'm actively making things worse for other people. It's unacceptable, and it's too heavy to carry. I have to figure out how to make it better, I have to figure out how to BE better.

Short term goals:
  • Work stuff doesn't matter, forget about it.
  • Look for ways to add fandom back into my life.
  • Start cooking for myself again.
  • Stop spending money like a crazy person.
  • Actively look for ways to do nice things for other people -- even if they don't care.
  • Actively look for ways to do nice things for myself, too.
  • Smile more, laugh more, do things I enjoy -- make this a priority.
  • Let it go, let it go, let it go.
    • Current Mood
      distressed distressed