I can read Sam's mind (wendy) wrote,
I can read Sam's mind

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Fifty Shades of Grey

The other day I mentioned that I was about to start Fifty Shades of Grey, and a couple people asked what I thought, so here that is!

I guess, technically, there are spoilers under the cut, but 1) Y'all have read fanfic before, you know what happens 2) It's mostly small stuff like complaints about overused phrases 3) It follows a popular J2 fanfic very closely.

SO. Really nothing is THAT ruined, in my opinion.


Overall, I was not a fan. Really, it's mostly boring. They do two small scenes, both of which pass with ZERO emotion from the main character's POV, and the rest is basically vanilla sex. Nothing wrong with that, but we all know that's not why people are reading these books. So, personally, I found that disappointing.

Also, both of the main characters are so flat. The guy, Christian Grey, is meant to be this sexy, in control dom, but he mostly comes off as awkward and willing to break all his rules. (Dude, if YOU don't want your rules followed, why should *I* even bother???) For stories like this to work, the reader needs to be half in love with the dom, and I definitely was not.

And the woman, Anastasia Steele, is just...ugh. She actually giggles. And whispers when she gets uncomfortable. She's 21 and claims to have never had an orgasm, alone or with a partner. (Yet, she manages to come on command the very first time the two have sex. *throws up hands*)

I don't "trust" Christian because I know he's going to give in and I can't stand Ana because she's so BLAH and keeps calling herself a "ho" (literally, that word) in her mind for accepting expensive gifts from Christian. I want to kick her in the face.

And ok, this was Twilight fanfic first, right? I can picture Ana as Kristin Stewart, even a bit as Bella, very unsure and young and wanting to be something she clearly is not. But I don't get Rob Pattinson (who I like) or Edward (who I also like) from Christian, except for the stalker tendencies. OMG! At one point, Ana goes to visit her mother several states away and emails Christian that she misses him. That night she and her mother stop for drinks and he is there. She goes off with him for a day and a half and NO ONE CARES that she just ditched her mom, who she ACTUALLY was there to see.

ALSO. At one point, her mom literally mentions the UST in the room. THE UST!!! Not the tension or the love but U-S-T....UST. AHHHH. NO.

Other highly annoying things:

  • The characters insist on constantly referring to each other as Mr. Grey and Ms. Steele, even post-coitally. I only can assume this is meant to be sexy? Or something? Mostly, it just makes me want to punch them.

  • Ana constantly bites her lip and Christian constantly tells her not to. Constantly. Like...multiple times per page. *shakes fist at the sky*

  • Christian is obsessed with having enough to eat. (There are hints he was starved when he was very young but it isn't explained in this book.) He often will ask Ana if she's eaten today and every time she says no. That she hasn't eaten. All day. AGAIN. Maybe she only drinks her calories? I DON'T GET THIS. She never has eaten when he asks, ever! What the heck??

  • The clothes. She is constantly borrowing her room mate's clothes and commenting on it, i.e this is Kate's dress, I wore Kate's dress, Kate's plum dress was on the chair, etc. GET SOME CLOTHES OF YOUR OWN. *flails around*

    I just read someone else say that the second two books are better. I suppose I will read since I have them free from the library, but I truly would not pay for them. There is one clear reason why:

    I have read, enjoyed and loved But Then My Homework Was Never Quite Like This by nyxocity and it is virtually the exact same plot, and much, much better (and hotter.)

    Both books feature doms who were taught to be subs by older, overbearing friends of their mothers, both have trust issues, both insist on binding their sub's hands so they can't be touched...the biggest difference really is that Jared is three years younger than Ana, and sexually experienced when he hooks up with Jensen, Ana is completely innocent.

    However! I appreciate that I can check actual erotic out from the library. For people trying to publish fic and original stuff, you should be excited by this too! If this book can make the cover of magazines, the NYT best seller list AND get a movie deal? Dude. YOU CAN DO IT TOO. So get those circ counts up! People are gonna want more. And, did I mention...Homework Verse is better, your stuff probably is too.

    I did enjoy the contracts talk and the negotiations. That'll never be not hot. But it all rapidly became irrelevant, which was disappointing. I sort of want to punch the last several chapters in the face too.

    I don't know why this book makes me so mad! I just wanted it to be hot and it isn't. And I wanted it to be sexy and, it isn't. And I wanted it to be original, and it isn't. And I wanted it to be GOOD, and it wasn't all that special. Le sigh.

    Still! Important implications are at stake for original erotic writers! You should read it and think about it and see what you can do to make your book the next one we have on the library shelves!

    Have you read it? Got thoughts? Bring 'em!
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