I have this co-worker who is really challenging. He and I work together every day, and we don't get along. At all. It causes lots of problems. The dislike ebbs and flows, but right now it's pretty bad, and really starting to impact my workflow. So I emailed him Monday and asked if we could have lunch and talk about some of these communications issues. He, of course, ignored my existence.
So, I asked our boss if SHE was free for lunch, and she was, and we went and had a great conversation. I made it very clear that I wanted advice about things *I* could change, I wasn't trying to throw him under the bus. (She likes him so I have to tread carefully in that area.) She had some great advice for me personally, also some suggestions for him, which she said she'd take up with him, and -- the best and most shocking part -- she took a portion of blame on herself too.
Because see, I know this is cryptic, but part of it IS her fault. It's like, the three of us each are 33 percent responsible (except him -- he gets 34 percent) and I was so pleased and amazed that she owned up to that.
I feel like I have a clearer plan moving forward, and also that I'm not going to be shouldering all of the blame when things fall apart. I'm trying y'all.
So, YAY for using my words and communicating and attempting to talk through things. Always hard for me, but yesterday? It worked.